The Cast of Mall Monkeysin alphabetical order

Akira

Affiliation: Asian Mafia
Style: Ebay
Description: Akira and Fakeem are mortal enemies due to the fact that they both represent the east side. Akira represents the FAR east, but it's still an issue. He's always running around the mall enforcing ASIAN PRIDE -- whether it's with his trusty Desert Eagles or Samurai Sword depends on the day of the week.

Aldornia

Affiliation: Goth
Style: Thrift Store
Description: Aldornia might have a few more friends if she didn't hate everybody. She's often found sitting in the food court writing depressing poetry and listening to Stabbing Westward. As a hobby, she collects blood stains on her bed sheets.

Brad

Affiliation: Phreak
Style: Hot Topic
Description: Brad, with his girlfriend Pink and best friend Raymond at his side, swears to roam the mall until death does him part. He's your usual Hot Topic Kiddie -- he's even got that patch on his bookbag that says something "witty" about the voices in his head.

Chad

Affiliation: Pothead
Style: Spencer Gifts
Description: Chad is one of those punks that walk the mall trying to sell pot to little kids. He needs to get money to satisfy his munchies somehow, right? He makes up goofy names for his weed and fumbles around with his blue tinted goggles. It's a unwritten law that every pothead needs some kind of wacky accessory.

Eric

Affiliation: Creator/Art Fag
Style: Pacific Sunwear
Description: Just when you thought this comic might have a shred of originality, you realize the creators have put themselves in it. Eric is hated because nobody likes an artist. It's not that art is a bad profession, it's just that artists arent people. Piss him off, however, and he'll erase your face.

Fakeem

Affiliation: Token Black Guy
Style: Footlocker
Description: If we didn't have a black man in our comic, we'd be a terrible bunch of racists, now wouldn't we? It's not like we're making him do manual labor. Normally the mall is a place for a bunch of crazy crackers, unfit for the ever cool Fakeem, but that's just the point. He yearns for white women like a vampire yearns for... whatever it is vampires yearn for.

Filbton

Affiliation: Loser/Nerd
Style: Super WalMart
Description: Filbton is a geeky loser who loves video games, anime girls, and furry art. He's bitter and unfriendly to most, but he's got a soft spot for Akira. ...I mean... Asian people! They're so cool.

Jamerz

Affiliation: AOL Geek/Nerd
Style: Limited Too
Description: ROFL OKAY LIEK JAMERZ LUVS 2 GO 2 THE MALL ALOT BUT SHE <3s TO GO ON THE COMPUTER 2, YOU CAN TELL FROM HER AWAY MESSAGE LMAO!!1 SHE 0WNZ AT COUNTERSTRIKE BCUZ HER PING IS LIKE PWNPWNPWNPWNPWN!!11 KBYE.

Jasmin

Affiliation: Prep/Mall Staff
Style: American Eagle
Description: Jasmin is an extremely intelligent girl who is slowly paying her debts to Harvard by working as a "Data Collection Specialist" (aka annoying survey chick.) Nobody can takeher seriously because she has a freaking dot on her head. I mean seriously. It's like, instead of falling through a trap door and being impaled by several makeshift spears, she fell on a red marker.

Katie

Affiliation: Mall Staff
Style: McDonalds/Hot Topic
Description: Since her initial hiring at McDonalds, she has learned to enjoy the mall. She still hates everything else though, including her life. She once constructed an elaborate noose of french fries and tried to hang herself with it. (...It didn't work, or the effects wore off, or something.)

Keith

Affiliation: Creator/Slacker
Style: None (haha)
Description: Another Mall Monkey creator, but he's only here because Eric brought him along. He would never be at the mall on his OWN time. Consequently, he's angry at everything and wants to punch you in the face. His trademark phrases are "WHO ARE YOU!?" and "Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?" Give or take one.

Kiersten

Affiliation: All Purpose Chick
Style: Pacific Sunwear
Description: Kiersten has no defining values as a character of any kind, and thus is a jack of all trades. She appears randomly when she is needed, and at the Comedy Club on Friday nights.

Kyle

Affiliation: Loser/Mall Staff
Style: Mom
Description: You know that kid in your ninth grade history class that had no self esteem and was completely unable to climb the ladder in the popularity-based hierarchical system of high school? Remember how you USED HIM!? That's Kyle...and, well...he's still like that.

Lester

Affiliation: Prep
Style: Abercrombie and Fitch
Description: Lester is a compulsive thief who is just too witty to be caught by the malls security. He struts the mall with his 'bling-bling' while girls admire in awe. He's really a nice guy, until he maxes out your credit card. The time when he cloned himself and stole everyones clothes will remain one of the greatest acts of Kleptomania ever.

Linda

Affiliation: Mom
Style: JCPenny's
Description: Linda, Raymond's mom, is really a sweet lady -- but she is the epitome of uncool in Raymond's eyes, and he will stop at nothing to keep her away from his friends. He might even go as far as killing her if he didn't need her to pick him up at 10:00.

Mikey

Affiliation: Skater
Style: Vans
Description: Mikey is Nicholai's little brother and just because of that -- he's doomed forever. He tries to skate with the grace and skill of his older sibling but instead ends up in a graceful (and skillful!) concussion. He may die a lot, but didn't you do the same when you were his age?

Missy

Affiliation: Slut/Mall Staff
Style: Pacific Sunwear
Description: Missy works at Pacific Sunwear and she sleeps with as many men as physically possible. Not necessarily in that order, though. So she's probably got some ghastly disfiguring STD, nobody is perfect. One time, at band camp, she stuck a cello in her pussy.

Mitch

Affiliation: Raver
Style: Hot Topic
Description: Someone should tell this kid that ECSTASY means HAPPY. For someone as drugged up as Mitch, he sure does a good job at being a major dick. I mean, look. He's got tattoos. TATTOOS.

Nicholai

Affiliation: Skater
Style: Vans
Description: Nicholai just so happens to be the coolest guy on Earth. The chicks love the little brother thing. He's got years of skating experience, and even met Tony Hawk. Eleven restraining orders later, him and Mr. Hawk don't talk much anymore.

Pink

Affiliation: Phreak
Style: Hot Topic
Description: Pink may be a decendant of Quasimodo, but she is very knowledgeable in the world of music. She has dated Brad for the longest time, and she's a sweet ogre girl, but don't ask her why she has an anchor tattoo unless you want to die.

Raymond

Affiliation: Phreak
Style: Hot Topic
Description: Sure, Raymond is a phreak, and his best friend has a randomly shaved patch of hair, but he doesn't let that get in the way of his friendliness: he's friends with every Mall Monkey! Too bad he's terrible with girls, and really needs to get laid. His last wet dream caused a power outtage.

Rob

Affiliation: Creator/Slacker
Style: Kohl's
Description: The third and final Mall Monkeys creator. He's the goofy one with the pencil up his nose, and while his ideas are rare, they are the sexiest ideas on this side of the Mall. His favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow is the heart.

Sarge

Affiliation: Mall Staff
Style: Security Gear
Description: Sarge used to take his job pretty seriously, until he realized his life is a joke. Instead of enforcing actual rules, he spends his time chasing soccer moms around and messing with the usual punks. (Brad and Raymond.)

Tom

Affiliation: Jock/Prep
Style: Abercrombie and Fitch
Description: Tom is dangerously stupid. He's not even sure about his sexuality sometimes. What he IS sure about, though, is that he's in the mall, and he can't find his way out.

The Triplets

Affiliation: Prep
Style: YES!
Description: Not biologically related, but still stuck together by some crazy unknown force, these fashion police roam the mall hunting those less trendy. The short one in the middle is the leader, sort of...and the one on the right is asian.

Other Characters

Mall Monkeys That Didn't Make It
Proposed characters that never made the actual comic.

Supporting Characters
Characters that have only appeared once or twice.

Character FUNFACTS

Akira's appearance is obviously a parody of Kaneda, from the movie Akira.
Aldornia is an actual gothic name. We looked for a funny goth name, but there are none. At all.
Depressed Billy starred in his own comic in 1999 on Eric's old webpage, Planet Drobile. It was the awkward tale of Billy and his family. His mother was David Spade, father was rapper Jay-Z, and he had an evil sister named Angel. Literally every comic made fun of another cartoon character, from Sonic the Hedgehog to the Flintstones, to the PowerPuff girls.
Brad was the first Mall Monkeys character to be made and went through four stages of development. The only thing constant in them were the chains and bookbag. His shirt says "Slipnot" on it because I don't care how the damned band name is spelled. TWO DRUMMERS.
Eric originally had blonde hair. He'll probably change it again.
Filbton is holding a Gameboy Advance. Can't you tell!? Morons.
Jamerz immediately replaced an older character when she could no longer be in the comic. See: Mall Monkeys that Didn't Make it.
The inspiration for Katie came about when I got into a 20 minute long conversation with a girl at McDonalds on my lunch break. She wanted to quit her job and work with me. I was flattered at the time, but hungry. More hungry than flattered. She didn't even give me employee discount after listening to her chat for eternity.
Keith has a big nose, but he's not Jewish. His drawing also looks nothing like him. The logo on his shirt often changes, so on this page, it is left blank.
Kiersten is the only other character in the comic (besides the three creators) based on a real person. She is also the least used character.
The inspiration for Kyle came about...you guessed it, from when I worked at the movie theaters. I felt like I was often a tool.
The inspiration for Missy was from a girl named Heather I briefly met at a Pacific Sunwear store. I told her she looked like a cartoon, and that it was a compliment. Little did she know I'd make a slut character out of her.
You may be saying "what the hell is going on with Mitch's clothes?" It was an actual shirt on sale at hottopic.com, so stfu.
Pink is a combination of all those weird punk fat girls you see walking the mall. ALL OF THEM.
The Triplets are such a ripoff of the three fashion girls from Daria. There is a comic where they meet, actually.
An average of two and a half seconds went into the planning of each character.
Even less time was spent drawing them.
There are 36 characters, unless I counted wrong.